QUOTE
You--ahem--wouldn't happen to have a link to this angsty, steamy, blush-worthy snoglet, would you? My interests are purely academic, you understand.

Yes, I second that notion, being the academic that I am... Literary buff, as well, I need to read this so-called smutlet from Cassandra Claire, though I think i could find Draco Veritas, it's rather popular, n'est-ce pas?
EDIT: I went looking for _Draco Veritas_ ... it's not at ff.net, but it is at FA. (I didn't even think to look for it here, actually, so I don't know if it is.) Anyway, I don't know Cassandra Claire, so I don't have the slightest chance of getting any permission to repost what she's done, but I can give you
this link to Chapter 4 of DV. I am reading, and there's a great little part about... oh, a page down or so, that does something with pumpkin juice, but I don't know if there's more, I am reading on.